According to Mats Slimhansen, you should gamble your money away, while Marita Bekkimelon from the Lottery Authority thinks you should spend it on Burgundy Wine instead
Health & Lifestyle
Gamble Your Money Away!
“I don’t see why it shouldn’t be legal to gamble away your money.”
Last week, 38 gambling websites were DNS-blocked in Smalltown.
“The site you are trying to access has been blocked by the Smalltown Lottery Authority, because it’s going to rob you of all your money,” is the message visitors are met with on the blocked sites.
“That’s pretty bold,” we say when meeting with the group leader of the Lottery Authority, Marita Bekkimelon. “No sugarcoating there.”
“Yeah, but that guy Mats Slimhansen who promotes these gambling sites is a real trickster,” replies Marita. “Do you know what he said? That it’s just as well to gamble away your money as it is to drink it away.”
“He actually said that?” we ask.
“He did,” Marita replies, exasperated. “Then he clearly hasn’t tasted Burgundy. Chardonnay1 for white, Pinot Noir2 for red.”
“But back to these gambling sites he’s promoting,” Marita continues. “They’re all illegal in Smalltown, but Slimhansen doesn’t care one bit. He’s going full throttle targeting our residents.”
“He’s quite the villain,” we say, somewhat pleased with the phrase.
“Absolutely,” Marita confirms. “But we can be villains too — we’re blocking everything we come across. I blocked Temu earlier today.”
“Temu? Why?” we ask.
“They also have spinning wheels,” she answers. “Gambling addicts get tricked into shopping.”
“But… that’s kind of the whole point of a shopping site,” we say, suddenly realizing to our horror that we’ve just defended Temu.
“Well, I don’t agree with that,” says Marita. “I’d rather have a bottle of Terres Secrètes Les Préludes Bourgogne Chardonnay 2021, at 180 kroner. It’s absolutely divine — but I suppose you can’t write about that?”
“No,” we answer. “That would be alcohol advertising.”
1 Chardonnay is a wine grape that originated in Burgundy, France. The grape is used in famous white wines such as Chablis, Montrachet, and Meursault, all of which come from Burgundy.
2 Pinot noir is a red wine grape variety that is grown worldwide, preferably in cool climates. The grape is primarily associated with the Burgundy region of France.
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